God stopped by the other day. He likes to play chess. Sometimes, I get to play RISK or Dice. But this time? It was chess. I made some tea and the dogs curled up in God’s lap. He sipped his tea with one hand petting the girls with the other and as always, God has his sly smile. I think God likes to visit as I am a curious child, and ask a lot of questions. I am fun for him to chat with and I think he gets a kick out of my labyrinth mind. I don’t dare ask him why I went through what I have gone through. I know that’s a TABOO! However, I am pretty sure he gets a large kick out of the way I think about problems and giggles at times over my idea of the solutions.
Here is the guy that out beat all of us with the knowing of all shit, creator of plagues, and locust? Come on now, like I’d have a go at anything better! Well, I do have a few suggestions but he sips his tea, giggling, and watches me light up with all my ideas like a good father entertains his effervescent daughter. Of course, I illuminate with excitement with all these ideas and thoughts swerving around my head.
Do I think on any stretch that I am some sort of advisor? NO. But I do think I am a check-in point where the measure of human success is tested. Meaning, my thoughts; as all of our thoughts are deeply fundamental not only to remain a living being on this planet but also a productive species. As silly as I am, I talk to him like he isn’t this benevolent, all-knowing, amazing creator of the Universe. I don’t address him like he is omnipresent. He is just the dude, that allows me to be me. A rambling human with all kinds of electric sparks and so much love for life. I suppose some would think this is against the rules or somehow I should bow to his presence. I can’t help it. This is who I am. A creation of creating and in THAT I am perfectly curious. It’s like we are really good friends but he has WAY better secrets then I do.
I ask “why does the affluence of a few folks require the misery of many folks?” He smiles, sips his tea and moves his chess piece. Then I look at him with my crooked smile and ask him why so many folks feel they are better than him. He tips his cup in a query so I continue. Carefully. I shrug my shoulders and ask why those who claim to believe in him or Allah or Buddha or the Universe take lives and seek revenge on his behalf. He takes a long sip of his tea. Then I pry a little deeper and ask him why women can be beaten. Put down on so many levels, even death and allowed to be raped. He turns his face. This is a pain you can see. Yes, even God hurts. I look at him, pouring more hot water in his cup and ask him, why nations fight each other in the name of the Church. A topic he does not want to talk about.
Then I slyly recover with “…its easier to demonize someone else because you just don’t know.”
He looks at me with a crooked smile, one eyebrow up, and waiting. “As I always say, you don’t know what you don’t know, until you know.” I shrug my shoulders. His smile gets larger. He knows am getting “it”. I have those empathetic qualities that a lot of people seemingly lack. Then I take a slight risk (as though GOD didn’t know this was coming! How human of me.) and say,
“is Pain love? Can you love me more? Isn’t love everything and anything and the cure of all pain? But why do some love your pain and not you? Or love their pain so much that they feel that’s the only way they can be loved? or even more so ( I move around in my chair more excited to this novel thought, ahem. ) Why do folks want YOU, God to give punishment? Is pain love? “
He turns to pet the girls and moves his chess piece. He never answered me but I understand there are things I need to learn on my own and what a cheating ass I would be if I got the answers from Source himself. “Ok, maybe I missed something. I mean aren’t we a part of the consciousness of the Universe? Isn’t our intuition what humans call ‘magical thinking’ but we are all apart of each other and in our thinking, we create our own realities? WHICH MEANS that our realities rely on each other to think on the same page. or frequency?”
God is done with his tea and I scream “Check”! And raise my arms wildly in the air. He smiles and moves his piece, “Checkmate” he declares, one eye on me, the other on the girls. His crooked smile is delightful but annoys me.
DAMN IT all! Damn!
“So,..” I continue as God is getting ready to leave me. “So, each day I master my reality and need to just do what I need to get done. All will come together as planned but I need to roll with it? Right?”
God smiled, held my shoulder for a brief moment and said,
“You are a beautiful soul, one who actually knows as all souls do. However, sometimes you might want to breathe and listen to what you already know as the truth. Be well-child and I will see you soon.” At that moment, he left as swiftly as he came. My hand went underneath my cheek and I pouted for a moment. I wanted to know if I would ever be loved, or if the stupid revenge wars would end, or if bacteria on Mars really are my cousins.
Yes, my world is always wondering and even at the age of 44, I wont be as cool or amazing as God. But I will always want to know and I will always invite the Universe in to chat and drink tea.
Until next time……
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I write pieces of my 44-years journey circling this planet. Some are past and some present. The time is not relevant.
It’s the story of healing, hope, transformation, and my overall determination not to give up.
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