The time has flown and all I can do is think about getting home and figuring out our housing. I am so close to buying again and yet far enough that we will have to consider a long term rental. This process hasn’t been easy but frankly? What has been? 9 years ago we set out to start our lives over and to learn how to live. To live free of abuse. Free of controlling behaviors. Free of guilt. After years of being gaslighted, verbally, emotionally and finically abused this was a big feat. I knew from the start that there was a LOT of healing that needed to be done. I wasn’t prepared for what happened and how we had to hold steady as a war was waged.
There were days that I wanted to flee this country. We have had to re-train ourselves to trust and to accept that nothing is perfect. We have gone from the top of the world to homelessness. We have stability and then the tides turn and we are in chaos. It doesn’t take much to fall into the trenches of poverty but it takes a hell of a lot to get out of it.
The very thought that we are close to buying a home is mind-bending for sure. I have stable work with new opportunities popping up daily. How grateful? I have felt deeply blessed as of late and very humbled by the thought that after the whirlwind of shit we have endured, we are now getting to a place of peace. Many years later then I expected but it’s here and that’s fine with me.
I have spent years in court battling a man who has no care for anyone but himself and fighting a fight that needn’t be started. The courts allowed and supported his use of the
“system” to continue to abuse us. He even stated under oath that he wasn’t sure he would be a good full time parent to our child. The game was to run me into the mud as much and often as possible and the courts allowed it but not seeing through the bullshit. And frankly? That’s sad. Its even far more mind-altering to know that no one in congress nor legislation wants to hear the story or make the changes that are desperately needed to avoid others from the same fate that we have endured. I interviewed more then 50 lawyers and NOT ONE would take my case for under 500K. Eventually, there will be changes made as my story has become so many others in New Hampshire. The fact is that at this time; there are families torn apart and children suffering because the laws are not there, yet.
I sit here, sipping my coffee. Swirling in years of shit. I realize that sharing my journey hasn’t been easy. It’s embarrassing in some respects. It’s painful in others. I have had to live in guilt and shame for not being able to get us back on our feet fast enough. BUT I also need to give myself high fives for doing what was best for our safety. Our lives. Our growth. We are better off now and happier then we could have imagined. We might not have all the things that we think we need but we have each other and we are now safe. I am so appreciative of those who have come into our lives and guided us, hugged us, helped us in the ways that they could. I feel more grateful every day that we are emotionally getting further away from that tumultuous past.
Heres to another step in the right direction!!
How to manifest enough money to buy a house?
Until Next Time…………………….
Tune in to my latest interview:
Weather the storm😈 W/ Rustie MacDonald Ep.023
Episodes available here:
Living & Thriving with Rustie
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